Once upon a time . . . okay, it was back in 2013 . . . a squirrel became involved in an attempted murder when a wife attacked her husband. Once the police arrived on the scene the rodent was entered into evidence because, believe it or not, the squirrel had been the wife's weapon of choice. The rest is internet hysteria, er, um, history.

No, not this Squirrel.

Public Domain Image

It happened at Christmas and the husband had failed to lay in a supply of beer for the big day. So on the day he set out on a mission to find beer. Being Christmas Day there was no place open and, alas, he returned home empty-handed. Apparently even the convenience stores close for Christmas in South Carolina.

His dear wife was enraged by the lack of Christmas spirits to help her drink her way through the day. As he made himself a sandwich she attacked him, squirrel in hand. Oh, did I mention that it was a ceramic squirrel? Ah, that is an important detail.

Ceranuc Squirrel
It was this Squirrel.

Image via Independent

Having been stabbed with the squirrel the husband managed to escape and called police from a neighbor's home. They found him covered in blood. The wife claimed that he had just fallen and cut himself. This might have been more plausible if she had not also been covered in blood. She was arrested for assault with a squirrel. Okay, it was really domestic abuse, but that is less descriptive of what actually happened.

Wife's Mugshot
Booked for Assault with a Squirrel

Image via Independent

When the news broke and the details were made clear squirrels across the country were relieved to find that it was not a real one of their own that had gotten involved in the incident.

Don't ya just love rednecks?

Source: Independent