A statue of Lenin in Magadan, Russia looks as clean and fresh as the well-preserved Marxist himself thanks to a set of metal spikes right out of a Clive Barker horror flick.

Kinky Crown Of Metal Thorns Stops Pigeons From Pooping On Lenin Statue

OK, so statues don't get much respect these days but don't blame pigeons – the feathery flocks have been (literally) dumping on outdoor bronzes for centuries. Indeed, these avian hipsters have defaced monuments long before it was cool. What to do about the doo-doo?

You go heavy metal on their ridiculous bobbing heads, that's what you do. Well, kinda: the metal part is aimed at the feet though the mere sight of the deterrent definitely gets into their (ridiculous bobbing) heads.

Kinky Crown Of Metal Thorns Stops Pigeons From Pooping On Lenin Statue

As reported by Ekaterina Isaeva of Russia-1 News (watch video here), Magadan's multitudes of pigeons and seagulls weren't exactly fans of the USSR's founder – and boy, did they ever show it! Unsightliness is one thing but the cost of power-washing the statue twice a year with pricey detergents was placing an intolerable birdin' burden on the city's finances.

Authorities were scratching their heads trying to find a solution and – possibly while in mid-head-scratch – came up with this: strips of needle-like metal spikes that would ward off flying defecators from alighting upon Lenin's head & shoulders. The result: the statue's bronzed countenance now gazes out over the public square on Gagarin Street as always, though with a subtle difference we just can't put our finger on... OUCH!

Kinky Crown Of Metal Thorns Stops Pigeons From Pooping On Lenin Statue

While these glorified spike strips may save the statue from ongoing avian indignities, the human residents of Magadan are, shall we say, less than impressed. “This is terrible, the child is already talking,” complained Lyubov Batanova while out for a walk with her daughter. “Lenin was bald but now he has become hairy. I don't know what to say, who could think of such a thing!?”

Even worse, images of “Pinhead Lenin” have propagated on social media accompanied by screen-shot comparisons to the extra-dimensional cenobite protagonist of the 1987 Clive Barker-penned horror flick “Hellraiser.” Has President Putin heard about this yet? The staunch defender of Russian historical icons would likely be less than amused and if so, Magadan's leaders will have... hell toupee.

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