Furry Fuhrers: 8 Animals Who Look Like Hitler
The curious phenomenon of “things that look like Hitler” encompasses everything from houses to horses, allowing one of history's greatest villains to live on - in pop culture that is. Do these 8 creatures really display a definite resemblance to the nasty Nazi, or are we all just seeing faces in clouds?
1) Hitler Kitten
Is your kitten a Kitler incognito, or even full-on cognito? So-called “Hitler Cats” seem to be everywhere; there's even a Cats That Look Like Hitler website that features over 7,500 images of the toothbrush-mustached, slant-forelocked beasts.
That's a lotta Hitler, and if you think about it ONE Hitler is already Hitler-overload. It's practically a Kitler invasion, a Furred Reich, a kitz-krieg if you will, a megalomaniacal multitude of Heil O'Kitty clones that make The Boys From Brazil look like a Sunday walk in the Polish Corridor and after all is said and done I have just one question... is it safe? (Images via Break.com and Hello Kitty Hell)
2) Hitler Goldfish
Seventy-odd years too late, the Kriegsmarine's finally found a foil for The Incredible Mr. Limpet. No, it's not adolphin but orange you glad it's a goldfish?
“Adolfish the goldfish” rose to fame from humble origins: four-year-old Ellena Schatynski of Stockport, Greater Manchester, UK won the furless fuhrer fish at a local fair. Her family only noticed the fish's startling resemblance to Hitler once they got home, popped him in a fishbowl, and took a good hard look.
"I was afraid he'd try to take over the tank,” stated Ellena's mom, 29-year-old Sarah Schatynski, “but he hasn't yet." Presumably they're feeding him standard fish flakes but if he ever expresses a desire for hamburgers, frankfurters and lebensraum, look out! (Images via Funny Elbow and Kaleidoscope)
3) Hitler Stinkbug
Wouldn't “Hitler Stinkbug” be a great band name? Well, maybe not and the actual insect pictured above isn't named that either, regardless of the eerie Hitlerian face peering out from its folded wing covers.
Biologists state that many insects use unusual color patterns to fool potential predators into thinking they're frightening and dangerous... and you, Hitler Stinkbug, win the prize.
First noted by a Malaysian farmer from Kluang who espied it scouting out his herb garden, the image of the colorful critter was captured by German photographer Rizalman Kasman who may or may not have seen the original 1958 horror flick The Fly. The bug rose to internet infamy in early July of 2011, almost 70 years to the day after Hitler ordered Operation Barbarossa – the surprise invasion of the Soviet Union – to commence. Coincidence? I think not! (Images via MTV Networks and Hello Chicago)
4) Hitler Dog
They say Hitler “wasn't that bad” because he liked dogs, but did Hitler like just any dog or only dogs that looked like Hitler? On the other hand, did dogs respond to His Master's Voice or to the self-styled leader of the master race? On the third hand, did field marshals who performed poorly in the field find themselves in Hitler's doghouse?
The baleful bulldog above might have posed quite a quandary for Der Fuhrer. Although its apparent toothbrush mustache and stiff-armed salute evoke images of Nuremburg, its Churchillian attributes place it firmly in Edinburgh. Suffice to say this is one pooch who's best consult a psychiatrist before it goes to war with itself.
On an entirely unrelated matter, did Crate & Beer-Hall, Room & Borman or Ikillya stock those wild wicker swastika patio chairs back in the day? Is there a previously unknown backstory regarding Nazi furniture waiting to be reported on? Final question: did Hitler's own dog (named “Blondi”, of course) sleep in a spotlessly clean doghouse modeled after the Red Baron's Fokker Triplane, or was it just a Messerschmitt? (Images via Sgt Hulka and The Daily Hitler)
5) Hitler Horse
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course, that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Edolf!
Sure you want to saddle up the author of Mane Kampf? If so, be prepared to spur him on to victory at all costs and keep in mind, retreat is not an option. This particular alps-aloosa doesn't respond well to the whip – at least, not in public – and he's been known to champ at the bit when putsch comes to shove.
Once Hitler Horse gets the hots to trot, however, there's just no stopping him... unless he's confronted by a Stalin Stallion, that is. Only then will his un-stable mis-steppes be exposed, his whinnying ways reversed and his reins of terror brought to a halt. (Images via Emma_Boniface and Gaia Online)
6) Hitler Spider
Look he's crawling up my wall, black and hairy very small, now he's up above my head, hanging by a little thread: Hitler the spider! It's enough to give any fan of The Who a case of adolfophobia, and believe me there's a LOT of other things I'd much prefer a case of... like beer and the plague, to name just a couple.
Achtung Kommander Kockroach and your Roach Reich! You've finally met your match in Hitler Spider: an eight-legged freak that, by the looks of it, is a toothbrush mustache mounted on an octet of olive-green legs. Is the 'stache all they could save when Der Fuhrer kicked der bucket in der bunker?
Seems so... and just be glad the operation was successful since a bull elephant in heat was waiting in the wings – just in case. On the lighter side, I wonder how many legs he can Heil with without falling over? (Images via East Side Patch and DP Vintage Posters)
7) Hitler Goat
Y'know what really gets my goat? Hitler Goat! There's nothing capri-corny about a grass-grazing goose-stepper with a baaad attitude. Then again, goats are herbivores and Hitler was said to be a vegetarian so he's got that goin' for him, which is nice.
Our Hitler Goat of choice is the blazing-eyed “kid” above. See him stare intently into the camera with blinding blinkers even the Hypnotoad would envy. Observe his smooth head uncluttered by protuberances of any type – he's not your average horny old goat!
Where does a Hitler Goat do his grazing? Anywhere he wants, thanks to that spineless Chamberlain and his boast of “fleece in our time”. Signing a Munch Agreement (or Munich, whatever) with this guy pretty much guarantees your lush lawns and verdant fields will soon suffer the scorched earth treatment. Why, Hitler Goat, why? Personally, I blame his nanny. (Images via Sport-Touring-Net and Sodahead)
8) Hitler Bear
OK, it's not a real bear and it's lost his head but you know who else lost his head around 75 years ago? Anyone? Bueller? No, but close enough and maybe too close for comfort!
Obviously we've come a long way since those dark days, though the simple fact people are trying to sell decapitated bears online makes one wonder if we've really progressed that much. Then again, in 1937 anyone caught trying to sell a headless bear that looks like Hitler would find themselves on a one-way trip to one of those fun & exciting summer camps where work can make you free.
As for our scowling, saluting soldier bear on the right, why would any store décor manager pose him in that particular position? Did the guy have some secret agenda we should be aware of, or is he secretly monitoring the display to see who salutes back? That's one list nobody wants to be on. (Images via A Bit Broken and Dollydeb@eBay)
Worried you're seeing Hitler in every cat, dog, house or lotion bottle? Worried I'M seeing Hitler in every cat, dog, house or lotion bottle?? Could Churchill's much-maligned Bohemian Corporal just be laying low, marking time, pining for his roost in the Bavarian Alps?
Relax, everyone. To paraphrase Monty Python, 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This despot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARIAH!!
Whew, that's a relief, and for those who believe in karma, at least take some comfort knowing the infamous author, painter and would-be world dominator was reborn as a stinkbug. (Top image via DemonSpawn12, above images via Lol Catz, Examiner, and Meme City)