The Onion Shutters Its Doors On Humans, But Not Frogs

The Onion was a satirical digital media company that enjoyed wide popularity over the years. Based in Chicago and originally launched as a weekly print publication on August 29, 1988, it sadly shuttered its doors on June 17, 2016. However with spits and sputters resulting from acquisitions and reorganizations, readers can find articles still surfacing in 2018 and 2019. Today's post is a tribute to this pub, it's humor and one of its funny posts satirizing how frogs have evolved.

Herpetology

Herpetology is the branch of zoology dedicated to the study of  reptiles (including snakes, lizards, amphisbaenids, turtles, terrapins, tortoises, crocodilians and the tuataras) and amphibians (including toads, salamanders, newts and the gymnophiona) . . . and of course frogs!

Herpetoglists & Frogs

According to The Onion, on December 6, 2018, Herpetologists discovered a new species of frog that evolved to spontaneously grow a top hat and cane.

Claiming that this discovery would shed new light on the diversity of amphibian life, herpetoglists from Ohio University released their findings to the world at large.

“Hello Ma Baby”

“While in many ways resembling a common bullfrog, Lithobates michiganus is unique for its capability of springing onto its hind legs and dancing with a tiny hat and cane, likely as a way of defending itself from predators,” said lead researcher Masha Rossi. Also noted, this frog mutant was also able to belt out “Hello Ma Baby” -- apparently in its additional ability to mimic humans singing in a booming baritone voice.

“This frog can be identified in the wild by its distinctive green-and-yellow coloration as well as its powerful hind legs adapted for both razzle and dazzle.

This amphibian has a truly striking method of locomotion as it boldly sashays from lily pad to lily pad.” Rossi added that this announcement constituted the most significant advancement in the herpetological field since last year’s discovery of a sleepy-eyed tortoise imbued with the extraordinary ability to beat a rabbit in a footrace.

Guess reptiles have taken a giant leap [pun intended] in evolution. Darwin must be rolling over in his grave, don't you think?

Tortoise and Hare

Primary Source: The Onion

 

 

 

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