Polly want a cracker? Unfortunately, it'll make Polly poop all over your house the minute you let her out of her cage! Hardly seems fair that your concerns for Polly's well being should be completely at odds with your desire to live a squalor-free life. If you love your little bird and want to let it fly free all over your house from time-to-time, then I've got a patent that should serve as a happy compromise for you both.
United States patent 5934226 is for [a] bird diaper for an uncaged pet bird to wear, featuring an enclosed pouch for receiving and containing excrement, and apertures to accommodate both the wings and the tail of the bird. With this patent Polly's style won't be cramped just because you like a tidy home.
Of course, I'm sure some of you will take issue with the notion of a bird wearing a diaper. No doubt the purists among you will yell, "Foul!" (Fowl?) at the very idea of restraining a bird in so unnatural a fashion. To those people I respectively reply, "too bad!" After all, if you were so concerned about a bird's nature you wouldn't own a pet bird in the first place! Now that that's out of the way, let us once again turn back to this ingenious method for civilizing your little dinosaur.
I admit I'm no fan of keeping pet birds and I'm even less a fan of bird poop. But even I realize the poor creatures are simply engaging in a natural activity. (Unlike birds that have been trained to roller-skate or ride a little bicycle.) And as much as I'd like to see them in their natural habitats, the fact is other people like to keep them in their homes. That's why I am recommending the Bird Diaper, because it brings us all a little closer to living in harmony with the natural world.